Showing posts with label cat. Show all posts
Showing posts with label cat. Show all posts

Saturday, November 5, 2011

I Need a Wah-mbuger and Some French Cries...

And I also need some cheese with my wine.  Meh.  Yep. I'm fucking whining.  Wah wah fucking wah.  While I'm thinking about it, I'd just like to say that five years old is too young to mess with my $200 digital camera.  Excuse me.  What the fuck.  I don't feel like potentially having something that I worked for dropped or messed up by a child who does not take care of his belongings.  The joys of stepchildren.  And the fact that the father (my hubby) chooses to ask me when the youngest will be old enough to use the digital camera.  REALLY? Because apparently in 11 days when he turns 6 then that will be old enough? I'm thinking not.  I'm thinking not in the next 9 years.  His 12 year old sister can't even take care of a laptop nor her own digital camera.  So therefore I do not believe that 12 is even an appropriate age for such electronics.  Unless of course there was an ounce of caring and that the value of such property was known.

Digressing.

I feel like shit.

Worked a ten hour day with a migraine/sinus headache from hell and got to deal with retarded people.  Story of my life.  I'm a tard magnet.  Any kind of tard.  Retard. Fucktard. Gaytard. Hootard. Asstard. Pusstard.  What the fuck ever tard.  You get the point.  Tards beware when I work...you will be drawn to me like the force.

What the fuck is my kitten doing? Hey, fuck! Quit drooling on my squishy blanket.  Quit gnawing on it.  None of that shit is allowed.  I weaned you from a bottle and now you wanna tear my shit up then do something totally cute like paw pressing? Fuck you cat.  Don't forget.  In Egypt they used to mummify their felines.  Don't think you are exempt.

Peace out, Girl Scout!

Friday, November 4, 2011

Thoughts....

As I sit here with Baby Kitty bathing on my arm, I realize that I have a zoo in my home and I am, in fact, the crazy cat lady.  I have 4 of these fucks.  


T.C.--an original name, stands for "The Cat" since we decided "Punkin" was gay...even though my then-4-year-old named him.  A.K.A. Big Ginger. He's 6...or 7...and weighs about 14 bills...a big orange tabby with a loud ass meow who has a tendency to hack up hairballs on our bed.


Lucy--my baby girl gray and black tabby.  She's my hugger. And she only meows when she sees a bug in the house.  A fan of the head butt and is often caught doing something stupid but she tries to cover it up.  She is just over a year. A.K.A.  Pretty, Baby Girl, Cuddlebug, Purrburger.


Smokey--we really call him Fat but he's registered with the vet as Smokey.  He is a month younger than Lucy but is 2.5 times the size.  All black with a few stray white hairs.  He can't meow.  At. All. He sucks his paw when he gets petted.  And he is a klutz.  I have watched him fail many a jump.  A.K.A. Ass, Big Guy.


Harley--our newest addition.  He's 4 months old and we had to bottle feed him for a month.  We got him when he was 4 weeks old and now he's a fuck.  A cute little fuck.  That's hubby's buddy.  He has torn up my drapes, scraped paint off the wall, eaten my Jimmy Johns, and he LOVES cheese popcorn.  Really? What kind of kitten did we adopt? A.K.A. Baby Kitty, Fuck, Asscat, Asshole, Purrburger.  


Did I mention I have aluminum foil and cling wrap in several areas of the house because two of these asscats like to, on occasion, leave kitty surprises for me and hubby.  Therefore, I have an obsession with cleaning the cat box and making sure the house smells nice.  Which are not good things for a person with OCD to be obsessed about as my entire house will smell like a combination of Yankee Candle, Scentsy, and Glade.  Olfactory overload.  But not in a gross old lady sort of way.  Just kinda like you wanna eat whatever is burning.  


Anyhoo....I had a totally different vision for where this blog was originally going but since I am ADD I completely forgot and had a squirrel moment. Watch the movie "Up!" if you don't get it.  You will laugh your muthafuckin ass off.  Same with "Rio" and "Rango."  I have kids so I have an excuse to watch these movies without seeming like a sexual predator.  Let me tell you, they are fabulous shows.  More fabulous than the old Disney flicks that I still love to watch now and again.  In fact, if Walt Disney were alive, he'd shoot himself, come back to life, then shoot himself again if he knew what animated feature length films had turned into.  


Digressing again...next blog may be about what I originally intended to talk about if I can remember what it was that I wanted to talk about.  


Can I just throw in that people suck? 


Ok. Peace out, girl scouts....till next time...